Baby Name Trends 2011

Can you believe we’re almost in the year 2011?  When I read that number in print, I realized two things; how old I’m getting, and that we’re speeding into the future at an alarming rate.  Technology is sleek, fast, and affordable, and life is all about instant gratification and efficiency.

To be perfectly honest, I thought by this decade we’d be giving our babies space-age names like Luna, Jet and Galaxy.  Conception to birth would have been reduced from nine months to three (the microwave version), and we’d be flying them home on a freeway in the sky.

Fortunately, life is still pretty ‘down-to-earth’; reassuringly so, and we’re still naming our children in a fairly ordinary manner.  (Sort of.)  Let’s look at some of the trends for next year:

Two-for-one names: Parents of the year 2011 won’t be content giving their child a first and middle name.  That’s so ‘old school.’  What about giving them an old-fashioned name, and a nick-name they can spin-off from it?  Like Leonard, Melissa, Rose and Hubert…with their nick-names being Leo, Li-Li, Roe and Hubie.  I’m not kidding people.  What about Louise (Lulu), Beatrix (Bunny) and Abraham (Bram.)

This way, your child has a double identity; he can be Ace at the night club, and Alistair on his Harvard application.

Aren’t kids these days challenged enough?

Newest Nick-Name Trend: how about naming the child by its nick-name, and then putting the formal version on the birth certificate?  So family, just call her Kitty, but her official name is Kate.  Or ‘mom, dad, meet Cub’…but his actual name is Caleb.

Well, at least these kids can insist they’re addressed by their grown-up names as adults.

Pet Names for our Children…Kid names for Our Animals: It might be because these days we view our pets as our children (they can be easier to love), but 2011 will see us giving our newborns names such as Buster and Buddy, and our puppies names like Charles and Adelaide.  If your child lies on the floor at your feet wanting his belly scratched you know you made a mistake with this one…

Ha! As in Harriet, Hank, Harper, Harrison, Hadley, Hayden, Hazel, Hale, Harlow, Hal, Haven and any other name that can be created from ‘Ha.’  No-one’s come up with Harlot or Harpy yet…but we’re sure some Hollywood celebrity will use it in 2011.

Hail Caesar! In 2011 we’ll be humiliating our offspring even further by giving them Roman names.  Atticus, Augustus, Cassius, Maximus, Aurelius.  Don’t let them watch Gladiator very often or you may be a regular in the principal’s office.

Naming them after their birth month, day, time or season: so April, May, June, Summer and Autumn have been quite commonly used in the past, but why stop there?  Name your child January, or Winter.  How about March or Easter?  October or Halloween?  May or Spring?  Midnight,  Morning or Wednesday?  (Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban already used Sunday, and probably have it trademarked.)  Why stop with one?  How about two together?  I can imagine it now.  “Oh, this is our newest addition  ‘Wednesday Morning.’” YIKES.

Want him/her to really be ‘tops’?  What about an old British Name? The more awful, the better.  Stanley is making a comeback, with Percy a close second.  What about Ernest, Arthur, Edna, Lillian, and Hyacinth?

Names for him or her: gender-sharing names are in.  Your darling little girl can now be named Sawyer.  While your strapping boy can get away with Sasha (but please, only if he’s destined to be tall and built like a football player.)  Other favorite shared names are Peyton, and Paxton.

Flower Power: straight from the garden-OF EDEN are the favorites for 2011.  Common flower names (Daisy, Rose and Lily) have lost their fragrance.  Parents now want exotic.  Try Azalea, Poppy, Lotus, Lilac, Marigold, Venus Flytrap (okay, I made that last one up, but guaranteed someone will jump on it.)

Favorite Consonant: 2011’s baby names are coming to you from the letter ‘R.’ But make them old-fashioned please.  Robert, Richard, Rufus, Raphael, Ruby, Rosamond, Roman, Ripley, Remy, Rowan, Roscoe, Reed.  And be really ‘in,’ give a boy-sounding name to a girl…or the dog.

Ooooooo-h…behave: We’ve been fans of the big ‘O’ for a while now.  After all, what’s more charming than twins named Olive and Olivia?  (Or Oliver and Olivia.)  2011 stays enamored with the ‘O’ factor, naming their brood such delicacies as Orlando, Orson, Otto, Oscar and Owen.  Oooooo-h yes!

Names that are out of this world: hmmm…maybe someone heard me about futuristic space names.  Seems 2011 will be the dawning of the planetary naming of our young.  We’ll have little Mercuries and Jupiters running about.  Hopefully no-one will bother with Uranus!

And finally, the most horrifying, bile-invoking, cheesiest 2011 name trend out there…

Twilight Names: Aaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhh!  Just when I thought we really were moving into the future and progressing beyond Neanderthal level, I am once again proven wrong.  Mankind’s obsession with vampire and werewolf love battles will bring a siege of Meier-inspired names next year.  Look out for a veritable army of Edwards, Jacobs, Bellas, Alices, Emmetts, Jaspers, Cullens, Esmes, Felixes, and Janes.  And watch out-they bite!